My 10 Rules for Dating My Kids

My 10 Rules for Dating My Kids:

1. Let them DJ. It shows them you care about what they care about & invites you into knowing the content they & their friends are enjoying.

2. Talk about whatever they’re interested in. Let them talk *at* you about Lego or The Descendants or Christian rap music or the ins & outs of school drama.

3. Ask about their friends. Get to know each of the “characters” in their lives & remember details about their friends’ interests & relationships & families.

4. Invite them to bring input to you. Two questions I always ask on a date with one of my kids:
“What do I do that makes you feel happy & loved?”
“What’s one way I could be a better mom to you?”
These two questions help me get to the heart of what is most meaningful to my kiddo & where I need to grow.

5. Do the things they like to do & go to the places they enjoy going. Meet your kid where they are—it might be movies & milkshakes with one and sushi & shopping with another.

6. Listen more than you talk. Hear something that concerns you? Clock it to bring up later in the conversation or at a later date. Don’t make them feel like everything they share will be evaluated or corrected.

7. Don’t be overly serious. Come with intentionality but also meet them where they are. Most of my kid dates include “would you rather” or talk about a TV show or trivia sessions.

8. Encourage them. Tell them how you see them growing, the ways you know they’re working & fighting. Affirm that they are beautiful & beloved & precious. Thank them for the ways they bless the family.

9. Side-by-side activities & driving in the car are great opportunities to connect with kids who struggle to connect or feel awkward communicating.

10. Talk about your faith. Even if your kids don’t have a faith of their own, share about your walk, your struggles, God’s faithfulness in your life. Make the focus on knowing & loving God more than good behavior. Don’t weigh them down with legalism, dazzle them with Jesus.

Especially in our super-silly-sized family of 9, dating our kids is an important part of being intentional with each individual child, staying connected to their hearts, & enjoying them. 🤍