10 Mother's Day Gift Ideas For Your Foster/Adopted Child's Biological Mother
Mother's Day is quickly approaching. What is a joyful and celebratory holiday for most, can be a painful and confusing day for our foster children and their mothers. As foster parents, how do we handle this complicated holiday?
There's not a simple answer. Every child, every mother, every relationship is different and complicated. But my simple answer? Find a way to show love and kindness to your foster child's mother. My simple answer? Find a way to honor your child's mother this Mother's Day.
This is what I'm getting for my foster daughter's biological mom this Mother's Day. My husband got me a similar necklace one Mother's Day, and I love it. (Side note: My necklace has bars with the full names of my biological and adopted children and initials for each of my long term foster children. Is that the most perfect foster mom gift, or what?) I love the idea of giving mom a gift that's personalized and meaningful without parading a "MOM" pendant in a way that may be awkward for her to wear or explain. I also love the simple design of this necklace that any mom would appreciate.
I bought something just like this "You've Got This" sign for my foster daughter's mom the day I sent her home. I was shopping for a few things I wanted to send with her, when I saw--in all of it's Target-dollar-stop glory--the exact words I wanted to communicate to mom. It was my vote of confidence to her: "I'm praying for you. It's going to be hard, but you can do it. You've got this." I also love this message for our kids' moms who are in the process of working and fighting for them.
I especially like this gift because of the simple "I love you" phrase. Most Mother's Day gifts are emblazoned with phrases like "World's Greatest Mommy" and "Best Mom Ever," phrases that (most likely) just don't apply. But the phrase that does (most likely) apply for every one of our kids? I love you, Mom.
This is another great gift that communicates the sentiment "you are loved" without the titles and superlatives and celebrations that come along with many Mother's Day gifts. l found many different signs and necklaces and the like that also state this sweet and simple message.
If DIY is your style, then Pinterest is your best friend. The key to a great Mother's Day gift is that it comes from the child, and DIY gifts are the perfect way to do that. A gift made by the child, rather than, for example, an expensive purchased gift from you, may also be easier for mom to receive. This is a great idea for kids who want to do something special themselves, or for a situation where you want to give a gift but have a strained relationship with mom.
As soon as I had a baby, I immediately wanted to plaster her face on everything. A photo pillow could be a sweet gift for a biological mom who is missing her child's dear face.
This is my fall back gift idea. This gift is perfect for when the kids don't have any ideas or when they've only been in your home for a short time. No other ideas? She'll love pictures of her kids.
This gift is also perfect for the mom that you just don't want to get anything for, for the mom who you or your kids have a strained relationship with, for the mom that you're just not feeling "deserves" a Mother's Day gift. A simple picture doesn't celebrate the title or role of mom, it isn't overly personal or expensive. It's just a kind and loving way for you to acknowledge: You are this child's biological mother, and I will honor you on Mother's Day.
Other photo ideas: • Meet up with siblings if children are placed in different foster homes • Professional photos • Photo book
I know this is not an appropriate gift for many of our children's moms. How many of their moms want to display the "birth mom" title proudly? And how many of us feel like these are the last words we would choose to describe our kid's mothers? But for those beautiful relationships where a birth mother has chosen to place her child with an adoptive family, or where an adoptive mother has deep respect and affection for her child's birth mother, this is just the sweetest gift.
This is another gift for foster/adoptive parents who have a unique and tender relationship with a birth mom. I love that it acknowledges love and loss without being explicitly for a mom. While I know it wouldn't be an appropriate gift in many cases, it could be great for a birth mom who's chosen to place her child up for adoption.
This year, Hallmark has come out with an entire line of Mother's Day cards for birth mothers. Since Hallmark, you know, invented Mother's Day, these cards may be the perfect way to say exactly what you don't know how to say to your child's mother.