Speak to your kids about foster care the way you hope they'll think about foster care, because they're listening. And live out foster care the way you hope they'll live out foster care, because they're watching.

Being the stand-in mom for a baby during these critical attachment building months & years is one of the most important jobs on earth. I get to literally shape this baby’s brain & nervous system, color his view of the world, transform his ability to build relationships & trust—including, hopefully, eventually with his (biological) mom—forever.

I know how hard this is-how painful & terrifying it is to watch a child go to a situation you would never choose. I know what it means to have to fight to hold these foundational beliefs.

But they're worth fighting for, because the family is worth fighting for.

As a foster parent, I am compelled by the love of Christ. I seek to love with the love of Christ. But firstly and mostly, I am the recipient of the love of Christ.

It’s the heart of the big story of the Bible, the gospel of Jesus Christ. God is about redeeming and restoring sinners to Himself. And God is about redeeming and restoring that which sin has destroyed. Including the family.

The longer I’m at this parenting thing, the more deeply I understand that the tools & strategies are limited. Mostly because I am limited. I am limited in my energy & strength, in my goodness & love, in my ability to perfectly implement imperfect methods.

What is your why for foster care? What catches you when you are sure to fall—into discouragement, despondency, fear? When you are shaken to your core, what is the unshakable rock it’s all built upon?

Let’s approach our kids’ parents with compassion, humility, & respect. Let’s put ourselves in their shoes, fight to understand their feelings, be sure to honor their role.

Let’s do it for their benefit and let’s do it for the benefit of our kids.

It is to our children’s benefit that—in our homes—their parents are honored, their stories are held, and their feelings are given space. 🤍

I celebrate the grace of God in bringing him into our home for this time. And I'll shout from the rooftops how lucky we are to get to be his family, to get to love him. But you'll never hear me call him lucky.

My big hack for “doing all the things” is to release the illusion and idol of control and perfection and get very comfortable with your own weakness and shortcomings. The key to spinning a lot of plates is being ok with dropping one every once in a while, asking for help or forgiveness as you pick up the pieces, & keeping on with the spinning, identity in tact.

Yes, giving them up is impossible.
But giving up control is even harder.

There is a way to talk to our kids about their parents and their stories that is both honest and covered in compassion. We interpret their parents’ struggles through a lens of trauma and share it with our kids with the belief that their parents are doing their best.

It's an impossible tension on its own, until I remember whose you truly are. I can both love you as "mine" and release you as "not mine,” because you are His, and I surrender you to Him.

My kids have received many good things because of foster care and they’ve endured many hard things because of foster care. But with a good God ordaining their days, I trust that He’s using it all to make them who He has them to be.

When trauma triggers, it trumps all else. Every plan and priority put aside.

People enjoy platitudes like "babies are resilient" and "they can't remember anything anyway.” Don't tell me for a second that he won't experience the loss of me. And don't tell me for a second that he hasn't experienced the loss of his biological mother.

I’ve found that facing my fear is far less frightening than feeling the fear.

Foster care will affect your kids. Some of the effects will be immediately, obviously good. And some you will see for the good that they are only once you see them through eyes of faith—looking forward to the character & hope & good they will bring along with them